Former Arsenal and Liverpool player Jermaine Pennant revealed in a podcast interview that he suffered from depression throughout his career and was only diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 37.

The former Liverpool and Stoke City winger discussed the difficulties he faced during his playing career. Pennant only learned he had ADHD after retiring from professional football.

Pennant made 231 Premier League appearances for teams including Liverpool, Stoke City, Birmingham City, Leeds United, Portsmouth, and Arsenal. He also played for clubs in Spain, India, and Singapore before retiring at 35 after playing for non-league side Billericay in 2018.

In 2005, Pennant was sentenced to three months in prison for drink-driving, driving while disqualified, and driving without insurance. After his release, he played for Birmingham while wearing an electronic tag.

Pennant joined Arsenal at 16 from his boyhood club Notts County. Roughly five years later, he began battling depression, though he wasn't aware of his condition at the time.

Pennant discusses his struggles with ADHD and depression

Pennant opened up about his mental health struggles on the latest episode of talkSPORT's "After The Lights Go Out" podcast. He told Steve Harmison and Leon McKenzie: "I think it was probably midway through my time at Arsenal.

"I joined Arsenal at 16, and I think it was around 21 or 22. I didn't realize it at the time, but looking back now, I think it started to creep in towards the end of my Arsenal career.

"All I wanted to do was play football. That was the only thing I had growing up, the only goal I had, the only thing that kept me going and made me feel safe was football. Nothing else.

"I didn't have that family love; I didn't have my mum around. My dad got into drugs and drug dealing. I came from a difficult background, so football was all I had.

"When that started to go away, when I wasn't playing or wasn't picked, that's when those emotions started to creep in, and the mistakes started to happen. I didn't realize it at the time, but looking back now, I understand."

Pennant stated that he only truly realized the severity of his depression after his transfer to Liverpool in 2006. He said: "It was at Liverpool that I knew I had depression. At that time, I had everything.

"A big house, a swimming pool, and I was playing for Liverpool, the club I supported as a boy and still support now. I was also a professional footballer; a kid couldn't imagine a better situation.

"I talked to my agent, and I told him, 'Sky, tell me all the things I have. I'm not happy.'"

Pennant continued: "I didn't know it at the time. Now I understand depression, but I would describe it as: you can have everything in the world but always feel like something is missing, and that makes you unhappy. That's probably a sign of depression."

It wasn't until about two years after his retirement that Pennant was diagnosed with ADHD. He said: "I went through a lot as a child, but I never really confronted it; I just suppressed it.

"Beyond that, I never knew I had ADHD until I was 37.

"So all these factors combined: childhood trauma, ADHD, suppressed emotions, and everything I've been through.

"Then, in my second season at Liverpool, I wasn't playing as well, and all those things accumulated, eventually turning into depression and traumas that were bound to surface sooner or later."

Pennant says he was "ashamed to speak up"

During his three years at Liverpool, Pennant made 81 appearances across all competitions. However, he admitted that he wasn't ready to confide in his teammates about his mental health issues. The dressing room included Steven Gerrard, Jamie Carragher, and Peter Crouch.

Pennant said: "At Liverpool, I had no one to talk to. Not because they didn't want to help me or weren't willing to listen, but because I wasn't at that point where I could proactively go to them for help.

"I would have felt ashamed to pull Steven Gerrard aside, and it was even harder to talk to someone like Rafa Benítez.

"To go to my teammates, to Stevie, Carra, Crouch, or anyone I played with at the time, and say, 'Listen, I'm struggling a bit.' I would have found it very difficult to say.

"I would have cared what they thought of me. They might laugh or joke because I was usually the funny one, so they might find it amusing, which would have made things worse.

"So rather than make myself vulnerable, I just had to deal with it alone. I had no one to talk to.

"I hadn't seen or spoken to my mother since I was about three years old; she left. My father and I also fell out because things got worse after he got into drugs.

"I literally had no one to turn to, no family support. My grandmother also passed away later; she was the closest thing to a mother figure I had.

"So I was essentially alone. I had a partner at home sometimes, but our relationship wasn't always good, so I would just be home alone, left to myself, not playing football, completely immersed in darkness."

Played for Arsenal while hungover

After joining Arsenal's academy at 16, Pennant spent six years at the club until leaving in 2005. He made 26 appearances for Arsenal, scoring three goals, all of which came in the same match.

In May 2003, Pennant made his Premier League debut for Arsenal against Southampton, scoring a hat-trick. The night before, he had been out drinking and unexpectedly started the game while hungover.

Pennant recalled: "I wouldn't advise youngsters to do it, but I went out on Friday because there was an FHM launch party at the Emporium, which was a massive deal back then.

"I was playing for Arsenal against Southampton the next day, and they all told me, 'You're starting tomorrow,' and I said, 'No, I'm not.'

"I had only made a few sporadic appearances from the bench, for about 5 to 10 minutes. I didn't think I would play, and I planned to be home by midnight at the latest. But they were furious.

"My plan was to be home before midnight, but I had one drink, then two, and before I knew it, it was five or six in the morning when I got home, feeling terrible.

"So I went to the hotel, and then we played the game. I started, and I was shocked, thinking, 'What have I done?'

"This was my Premier League debut for Arsenal under Arsène Wenger, a fantastic opportunity I had always looked forward to, and now I had almost ruined everything because of my impulse to take risks without thinking of the consequences.

"The dopamine rush from that risk is more important to many people than 'I'll play it safe first.'"

Pennant added: "We won 6-1, and I scored a hat-trick, but after the game, I was thinking, 'Oh my God, what have I just done?'

"I was really lucky; God gave me another chance, another day to live."

Steve Bruce visits Pennant in prison

After consecutive loan spells at Watford and Leeds United, Pennant joined Birmingham in January 2005, staying until the end of the season.

Just two months later, he was sentenced to three months in prison for drink-driving, driving while disqualified, and driving without insurance. Despite this, Birmingham manager Steve Bruce and the club stood by him, making his loan spell permanent after the season ended.

Pennant said: "I don't think I would have had the career I did after that incident without him. If it wasn't for him, I certainly wouldn't have played for Liverpool.

"I was on loan at Birmingham, and the club knew I had a trial coming up. Everyone thought I'd probably get suspended or fined, but no one expected me to go to prison.

"They knew this but still signed me. After I went to prison, Arsenal and Birmingham started talks because they really liked my short loan spell. I played well, they were happy with my performance, and then they reached an agreement with Arsenal to sign me."

"After that deal was done, Steve Bruce came to visit me. He came to the prison, sat down, and asked me how I was doing.

"It was really great to see him there. He also asked, 'How are things? Is there anything we can help with? Can we make you as comfortable as possible? Are you training?'"

Pennant subsequently made 60 appearances for Birmingham, scoring three goals and providing seven assists. His performances helped him secure a move to Liverpool in 2006 after Birmingham were relegated to the Championship.

Less than a year later, he started in the Champions League final, where Liverpool lost 2-1 to AC Milan in Athens.

Pennant's England career

At the international level, Pennant represented England from U16 through U21. He made his U21 debut at 18 and played 24 times for England U21 between 2001 and 2004.

However, despite his good performances for Birmingham and Liverpool, he never played for the England senior team. As a result, he is one of only two players to have played in a Champions League final without an England senior cap.

Reflecting on his England career, Pennant admitted that he would have played for the senior team had he not made those mistakes in his life. During his U21 days, he was sent home for breaking a curfew before a game and was also sent off for striking an opponent during a match against Croatia.

Pennant said: "One of my dreams came true, which was to play in the Champions League final.

"Playing in the Champions League final, playing for Liverpool, and playing for England. Two of these three dreams came true.

"I always played for England U21, but I just never got that senior team cap."

He added: "I have no doubt that if it weren't for all the headlines and those mistakes, I would definitely have gotten a senior cap, absolutely."

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