“I’d take Neto over Olise and more importantly so would Pep, Klopp and Arteta.” In the history of bad takes and bad tweets, this effort from Mark Goldbridge in 2024 takes some beating.

It’s hard not to think of Goldbridge and roll your eyes. The platforming of such a blowhard is a large reason we’re all now in the trenches of football content, nuance bludgeoned by shrill nonsense.

But let’s take this particular tweet at face value. We can see where he’s coming from, in some aspect.

Football in 2026 mirrors wider society as frivolity is dispensed with for pure optimisation. Numbers, data, output… whatever you want to call it, it stalks us remorselessly.

Everything needs to be justified, to contribute to the bottom line or be worthless. The game at the top level is systemised and rigid, as coaches treat their specific brand of hustle ball as the New Testament.

While noting that every generation since the 1960s claims this, it’s surely getting worse now.

Athletes are prioritised over artists – is there a bigger sign of the times than Real Madrid wanting Jarell Quansah to replace Trent Alexander-Arnold?

So you can well imagine managers prizing the work-rate that Neto offers. Where Goldbridge’s tweet has aged like milk is that Olise now has output and spontaneity.

He managed 25 goals and 28 assists for Bayern Munich last season, before starring for France at the World Cup and putting himself in Ballon d’Or contention.

But he’s also established himself as his generation’s Fantasy Footballer, breaking free of the conventional mould and doing his own thing.

Against Italy on Friday, in what must now be known as the Zidane-Materazzi derby, Olise opened the scoring with a staggering free-kick.

Any shot that goes in off the crossbar provokes an involuntary twinge within us and we suspect it did inside Gianluigi Donnarumma too.

Watch the Italian goalkeeper as Olise’s free-kick wizzes past him. He doesn’t move.

In fact, Donnarumma seems almost reverent, as if attempting to stop it would constitute some sort of crime, the footballing equivalent of flinging paint at the Mona Lisa.

The game finished 1-1, but this goal is destined to become part of one of those montages you see mid-doomscroll, soundtracked by J. Cole or Pusha T.

According to Opta, Olise has become only the third player to score two free-kicks for France since the turn of the century, specifically since 2000.

Dimitri Payet was one, the baller’s baller who shone all too briefly at the very top level. The other? Zidane, himself.

Speaking after the win against Belgium, where Olise’s wonderful solo goal saw Zidane boot a stray ball towards the Dutch border, the France manager waxed lyrical about his playmaker.

“I went along with the play and I wanted to be part of it,” he said. “I sensed he was off on a dribble and he made an exceptional play, so I wanted to follow him.

“And then I saw the ball there, and I told myself I had to shoot it. It might be a little bit ridiculous, but it doesn’t matter.

“I saw him dribble past a defender, and I said to myself, ‘He’s going to score’. I was cheering him on with all my heart. He is an extraordinary talent. I love this type of player.

“When he plays, he wants to entertain the fans. But it doesn’t stop there. He has a great sense of the game, he anticipates opponents’ movements, and he knows when to attack and when to drop back.”

Zidane knows he must nod towards Olise’s work-rate in these interviews. Anything else and his rivals would sense weakness and unleash their protein-maxxed charges upon an exposed French midfield.

Spain did much the same in that World Cup semi-final, although they relied more on mastery of the ball than overt physicality.

But it’s clear Olise has something tangible – spontaneity that is genuinely spontaneous. The kind first spotted at Reading and nurtured by Crystal Palace.

We should be thankful he joined Bayern Munich instead of one of the Premier League’s uber-serious elite in 2024, who’d have stamped out his long-range shooting before you could say the word ‘data analyst’.

There were reports recently that clubs are desperately trying to inject spontaneity back into academy-level players.

Benfica play with flat balls as you would in the park, Ajax have introduced 2v2 on a circular bit of concrete and Feyenoord do the same on sand.

Which, perversely, feels like the ultimate optimisation of all; you must be creative. The system demands that you be so.

But Olise is currently operating at a level where tactical rigidity can only hold him back. Even Pep, Klopp and Arteta would surely let him play. Zidane certainly is.

By Michael Lee